I am completely overwhelmed. It truly feels like I am in the middle of nightmare and can't wake up. I never, ever thought of a life without my big brother. Why would I? He has been there for me, taken care of me and made me laugh for almost 35 years. That shouldn't change, but it did.
I hate cancer. I really, really hate it. I have no idea why it took hold of my brother and wouldn't let go.
I hate that there wasn't a pill or a shot that would make it go away.
I hate that Savannah, Carson and Ryder lost their Daddy.
I hate that my mother, Ray and my dad had to bury a child.
I hate that Trisha is left without her soulmate.
I hate that Walker and Everly will not know their Uncle Googie.
I hate that I won't get to laugh with Googie again.
But, with all that being said, I am thankful that he is with our Heavenly Father. He is in a new body, no longer suffering. What a blessing that is.
I'm sure some people decide to be angry when something like this happens. Even when Googie got his diagnosis, I wasn't angry. I know God has a plan. I may not understand that plan, but I know it's there. And, I know that many people are being touched by his life and by his death.
I have learned many things over the last few months....
Don't take things for granted.
Enjoy every kiss, hug, snuggle and smile from your babies.
If you say something you don't mean, apologize immediately.
Tell your parents, your spouse, your kids and your friends that you love them.
I heard a lot of stories about Googie over the last two days. Hundreds of people came to visitation and the memorial.... they all had common thoughts:
He was a great guy.
He was always smiling.
He was never mean or ugly to anyone.
One of my favorite themes was from my friends that I grew up with... they all remembered him as a brother that was always sweet and never one to ignore us. This wasn't a surprise to me. I always remember him being sweet to me and including me in things. But, hearing from my childhood friends confirmed to me that he really was the BEST!
I am so thankful for all our amazing memories. Even though my babies won't remember their Uncle Googie, I will remember how wonderful he was with them. Even when he felt terrible, he made an effort with them and I will never forget it.
I loved Googie my first 34+ years and I will love and miss him everyday of my life.